


We Got Married (but maybe I don't wanna be)

by tried_to_write



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: F/F, Fake Marriage, Mutual Pining, One-Sided Nam Yoondo | Eric Nam/Kim Yongsun | Solar, WGM
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-05 23:43:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17928605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tried_to_write/pseuds/tried_to_write
Summary: She did it for the publicity, it was a pretty well known show after all.orYongsun, Byulyi, and Eric through WGM.





	1. Kim Yongsun

Yongsun’s first thought when her manager had told her about the offer was that it was a good opportunity to make herself, and by extent Mamamoo, more well-known, considering that the show was quite a hit all around the world. 

 

Her next thought was if she would make a good wife, or if she would just tarnish the group's reputation by being on the show. She was shy and not a very good actress. She was unsure if she would be able to get along well- or at least act like she did- with a virtual stranger.

 

Finally, her thoughts jumped to Byulyi, the woman she's had a growing crush on ever since they cleared up their initial misunderstandings. While Yongsun didn't want to be too hopeful, her best friend's recent behaviour made her feel like her crush wasn't as unrequited as she had thought. Would Byulyi be fine with her going on this show?

 

Yongsun told her manager that she needed more time to think about the offer. The virtual marriage would take up quite a bit of time in her life and was sure to disrupt their schedules so she wanted to discuss it with her members first. Although really, while it was a legitimate concern of hers, her main priority was to see Byulyi's reaction.

 

Her manager gave no resistance, but Yongsun didn't miss her strong encouragement to go on the show, reiterating several times how popular the show was and how much recognition Mamamoo would gain from being on it.

 

When Yongsun brought it up after practice later that day, Wheein and Hyejin were supportive as ever, as she had expected, and Yongsun pretended not to be disheartened when Byulyi just grinned and agreed that it was a wonderful idea. Guess her crush was in fact one-sided then, seeing how unaffected Byulyi was by how she was essentially getting married to another man.

 

Too hurt she had been to see the strain behind that smile.

 

They were distant after that, for a short period of time. Byulyi would latch onto Wheein or Hyejin more, not to say that she hadn't before but it had always been more special between the two of them and-

 

Yongsun didn't know how to explain the unease growing in her heart.

 

Then, all of a sudden, Byulyi clung to her more than ever. Yongsun was confused, but didn't want to cause any unnecessary drama. Plus, as much as she pretended she didn't like it, she had missed the constant hugging and reassuring touches.

 

So, Yongsun thought she would initiate some of those once in a while. 

 

Yongsun was never one to be blatant with her affections but she was willing to make an effort if Byulyi was always this flustered by it. That woman was just too cute...

 

Shoving all her feelings aside, Yongsun went to her first day of filming.

 

\---

 

It was awkward between them at first, inevitably, in addition to the fact that she was kind of pissed that he took so long. Eric more than made up for it afterwards however, with his gentlemanly actions and utter sweetness. Yongsun could see herself falling for him if she hadn't already had someone else in her heart.

 

At first, she treated Eric like she would any other friend, thinking that if she ignored the fact that they were virtually a married couple then she would be more relaxed. And it did work, for a while, but with this show and its missions, it was difficult to ignore all the underlying romantic connotations their actions had, or the discomfort it gave her.   
  


The show brought a lot of new experiences to her, whether it be a mission or either one of their ideas. Yongsun explored new places and did new things, things she truly did enjoy. But even as she went through all these with Eric, all she could think of was Byulyi. Her mind was often occupied with thoughts of her best friend while filming.

 

_ Byul would totally love to eat this... _

 

_ Oh, didn't Byul mention wanting to do this? _

 

_ Woah, I should bring Byulie here! _

 

Thoughts like that floated through her mind constantly before she would remember that she was in the middle of filming and hope that the camera wouldn't catch her spacing out.

  
Still, Yongsun found herself relieved that Eric was the one that she had to get into intimate situations with, even if not ideal. It was easy to immerse herself in their relationship while they were in front of the camera.

 

Eric played along with her silly antics, joining in whenever she would randomly break out into a dance in the streets whether or not there was music. He told jokes that fit her humour perfectly and filled their time spent together with laughter. He was always thoughtful of her, paying attention to even her passing remarks, taking note of her likes and dislikes, and they worked well together as their ways of thinking were often on the same frequency.   
  
Yongsun knew he liked her too, could feel Eric's loving gaze even away from cameras. He was always putting in the effort of making romantic gestures, grand or small, that Yongsun would never admit she really did swoon over, although she was sure that her inability to hide the blush on her face more than gave it away.

 

He may have not so subtly implied after filming one day, in private, that his constant attempts at skinship weren't entirely for show, hinted that his flirtatious remarks were all completely genuine. Eric never shied from announcing that she was his ideal type or how proud he was to have her as his wife, and Yongsun was flattered (but subconsciously found herself pulling away whenever she found his gaze too intense or his touches too fond).   
  


However close they were though, Yongsun couldn't bring herself to talk about Eric whenever his name got brought up while she was promoting with the other girls of Mamamoo. It felt too weird, to mix two separate lives together. There was just a line that she could not cross. In the end, her marriage with Eric was fake, and her friendship with her girls was not.

 

\---

 

Turns out, bottling up your feelings doesn't make them actually go away, Yongsun realised after she got into yet another fight with Byulyi.

 

At first it was over something dumb, as usual, but the both of them were nothing if not stubborn and neither were willing to give in. Then they tried to talk about it but things ended up escalating instead which, Yongsun didn't know how, brought them to fighting over her commitment to the group.

 

The leader was, quite frankly, appalled. Had she done something to make the other members question her loyalty? But no, she was sure she hadn't. Byulyi was just being irrational, surely. Maybe she was just being insecure and Yongsun only needed to reassure her like a good leader would.

 

But then Byulyi started spewing some nonsense about her wanting to spend more time working on that damn show with Eric Nam than on anything with the rest of Mamamoo and Yongsun got truly pissed. From there on, it didn't take long for them to devolve into a screamfest and Byulyi was grabbing her things and stomping out of the house and slamming the door as hard as she could while Yongsun stood and watched, urging her to leave with fury fueled words.

 

And then she was alone in the house.

 

Yongsun huffed as she sat on the couch in her living room, by herself, with no one to poke and prod her elbow with a toe or two as they lay across the length of the couch. It was a rarity in the past few weeks with how often Byulyi had been visiting. Without the other woman, it felt oddly quiet in the house. 

 

Yongsun never knew silence could be so loud.

 

...

 

She wiped a stray tear rolling down her cheek and decided she would go to bed early.

 

Yongsun spent the night tossing and turning on her bed, mind filled with thoughts about the fight. She hated it whenever she got into fights with Byulyi, as often as they did, and this was no exception. All she wanted was for that dumb Byulyi to apologise quickly so they could make up and cuddle like usual. 

 

For a minute, Yongsun considered being the one to apologise. Their fights didn’t usually last long but this one had seemed particularly bad and she didn’t know how long she would have to wait for Byulyi to give in. She knew she wasn't the one in the wrong but maybe if she had handled it better...

 

Yongsun gave up on sleeping for the moment and took her phone out, eyes squinting at the sudden burst of light in the darkness. She opened her usual messaging app, and scrolled through her contacts before stopping at one in particular. Her thumb hovered over the familiar name for a long time... before eventually scrolling away. Yongsun was tempted to give in, but she didn't want to admit defeat so easily and she wasn't even the one in the wrong. It was totally that annoying Byul's fault and Yongsun would wait for the other woman to ask for forgiveness first, she decided, no matter how long it took.

 

In the meantime, she opened up her chat with Eric instead. He was surprisingly still awake and kept her company until she finally felt drowsy. Her eyelids heavy, she shot him a quick  _ ‘goodnight’ _ before going off to bed.

 

\---

 

Yongsun didn’t have to wait long, it turned out, as Byulyi was apologising to her within a week. Whatever they had even been arguing about was long forgotten, overtaken by the need to hold her best friend in her arms again.

 

\---

 

It was completely unexpected when the other girls appeared at the hotel she'd booked. So Yongsun had no time to mentally prepare herself before Byulyi leapt off her lounge chair and launched at her, literally sweeping her off her feet in a crushing embrace.

 

The girls came in like a whirlwind, immediately hyper and full of energetic yelling. And while Yongsun wouldn't usually hesitate to join in, she glanced at Byulyi, then at Eric, and felt the need to hold back.

 

Yongsun didn't mind the added advantage the girls brought though. The four of them teaming up to embarrass Eric did make her feel better about their unannounced visit. 

 

That was until they suggested playing some games, then Yongsun knew that they were definitely up to something. Her hunch was confirmed soon enough.

 

Yongsun was hyper-aware that Byulyi was watching as Eric kissed her cheek. She also couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that hung around her after what she later dubbed as the most dreaded moment in the episode, somewhat feeling like she was cheating on Byulyi, even if it was with her “husband”.

 

The guilt didn't last long when Yongsun remembered that her best friend had played a part in that particular event and then she just felt bitter about the whole thing.

 

That episode was also the first time she’d had to stay overnight for filming. She was exhausted from the day’s events and easily fell asleep centimetres away from Eric, ignoring the eyes she could feel on her. While it was nice that she had the chance to stay in such a cozy house for a night, the downside was that they were woken up at an ungodly early hour, unfortunately a norm for singers such as them.

 

After filming their individual black room interviews, they were released. The fake couple stopped first to thank the staff, who had yet to be done for the day, for their hard work before leaving. Yongsun noticed she still had some time before having to show up for work so she headed home first for a brisk wash up before going over to the RBW building.

 

She was still relatively early and so was surprised to see the lights in the practice room already on. Yongsun opened the door to see Byulyi inside, practicing their new choreography by herself in a loose white tee and her signature ripped jeans. Byulyi was quick to notice the new presence in the room and stopped her movements, walking over to turn off the music that had been playing.

 

“Byul-ah, what are you doing here so early?” Yongsun approached her casually.

 

“I could ask you the same, Yongsun-unnie.” Byulyi easily redirected the conversation away from herself.

 

There was an aloof air about the way she spoke that filled Yongsun with apprehension. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact too, her eyes fixed at some point on the wall beside them instead. Yongsun frowned. Did Byulyi think that she was blind?

 

“Filming just ended so I came here early,” Yongsun snapped impatiently. “Now it's your turn to answer the question.”

 

“... I couldn't sleep.” Byulyi took a moment to answer, and her eyes were still infuriatingly stuck at that single point on the wall. Yongsun turned to look at the plain wall, scrutinising every inch of it, only to confirm that there was indeed nothing of interest on it anywhere.

 

“Byulie, look at me,” Yongsun said firmly, then softening her voice, “What's wrong?” 

 

She was honestly quite worried. The other woman usually didn't hesitate to approach her for advice, so why was she holding back now?

 

Byulyi finally glanced at her before letting out a huge sigh which did nothing to alleviate the older woman's fears. Yongsun was about to speak out in indignation at whatever that sigh could mean when the rapper started talking.

 

“I was jealous,” Byulyi spitted out all in a rush. “Of Eric,” she added after a beat.

 

Yongsun raised an eyebrow questioningly but said nothing, not wanting to scare the other woman into silence.

 

“I just-  _ I'm  _ the one who's always been with you, but now  _ he's  _ the one who's exploring new places with you and doing new things with you when- when-” Byulyi paused, brows furrowing into a frantic expression that betrayed the conflict she felt inside.

 

She cast her eyes down and her shoulders sagged. She finally continued, “When it should be me.”

 

Yongsun's breath hitched at the words. Byulyi sounded so defeated that Yongsun felt her heart ache. But at the same time, her mind was racing with questions as to what Byulyi could have meant. 

 

Yongsun wanted to believe that her feelings were being returned but couldn't shake the feeling that she could just be projecting. If she was wrong then it could ruin their friendship and subsequently, Mamamoo’s group dynamic. As the leader, Yongsun just could not take that risk. 

Putting aside her own inner conflict, Yongsun gathered the tired looking woman into her arms and tried to soothe her the best she could. She struggled to find the right words to say, her mind fighting with itself as to what Byulyi even meant. Byulyi almost immediately latched onto her arms, reminding Yongsun of how affectionate the woman could get around her friends. That's right, friends...

 

It all made sense to Yongsun now, how Byulyi had gotten so distant for a while after she accepted the job, and the fight they had the other night. The rapper was afraid that their friendship would be compromised by the show, which was absolutely ridiculous because Yongsun thought of Mamamoo as her family and would never even entertain the idea of abandoning them.

 

“Byul-ah, you don't have to worry about losing me, okay? We'll always be the best of friends,” Yongsun said in the most comforting voice she could muster as she ran her hands up and down the other woman's back.

 

“Right, just friends…” Yongsun thought she heard Byulyi whisper but passed it off as her own wishful thinking.

 

\---

 

The turning point in her virtual marriage was the Chuseok event, as all the viewers could agree. The kiss on his forehead marked the first time she ever took the initiative with that sort of contact between them. It was a spur of the moment kind of act and she didn't regret it. It had won them first place along with a luxurious trip to Dubai, after all.

  
They got increasingly comfortable with each other after that. Yongsun always liked it when someone had the energy to play along when she fooled around but Eric was also braver than before in making moves on her. He still always watched out for her and was also more considerate of her than most. And the more Yongsun thought about it, the more she felt like maybe she could fall for him eventually, but what she didn't know was that she never would because he wasn't her Moon Byulyi.

 

So by the end of the filming for the show, despite her previous declarations, Yongsun was frustrated at herself for not being able to see Eric as anything more than a good friend.

 

That being said, she was genuinely sad on their last episode together. She did actually enjoy his company and had fun during their outings.

 

Eric kept his word and messaged her regularly after the show ended. Their conversations started casually and easily, especially without the pressure of having to act like more than they really were on the side. Yongsun also realised that without having romantic situations forced between them, what she previously thought were possible feelings for him had faded away quickly, and she was left feeling like they were more suited to a brother-sister type of relationship.

 

However, after the fresh release of the Memory album, Yongsun was swamped with work and her replies got less frequent. Eric seemed to have his own busy schedule too and it got difficult to keep up with daily conversations, soon slowing to just a few messages a week.

 

That was, until, their final reunion at the end of the year for the MBC Entertainment Awards ceremony.

 

Mamamoo had an event scheduled right before that and Yongsun didn't even have the time to get off her post-performance high before already being rushed off to the award ceremony. She bid her members farewell and was dragged off by her manager. 

 

It was a surprise when a hand reached out to stop the lift doors just as they were closing. 

 

“Hey.” Byulyi sounded out of breath, as if she had ran to catch up with them. “I'll send you out.” A lopsided grin slid easily across her face, a hand naturally reaching to grab Yongsun’s wrist as she squeezed into the crowded lift with them.

 

The two friends had been in more intimate situations than that before, as embarrassing as that sounded. But being so close to her crush in such a confined space with a whole group of people around them never failed to make Yongsun feel shy, even more than she had ever felt around Eric, and she leaned her body into the warmth of the (ever so slightly) taller woman.

 

A swarm of paparazzi and their multitudes of cameras greeted them as the glass front doors opened. The furious clicking of camera shutters and flashing lights bombarded their senses as her manager gently pushed her through the crowd, dress in hand. The warm grip around her wrist disappeared as she descended the ramp outside the building.

 

As Yongsun was ushered into the car, she couldn't help but cast one last glance back at the waving Byulyi before her manager pulled her attention back to fuss over her appearance.

 

\---

 

Yongsun arrived just in time for the ceremony to start and as it proceeded, her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Byulyi watching her go, off to her virtual husband one last time.

 

She brushed it off when Eric leaned over to ask if she had prepared a speech, doubtful that she had shown the man enough love as his “wife” to win any award.

 

Yongsun had barely registered it when it was announced that they had indeed won the Best Couple Award.   
  
She was bewildered and started to panic about having to quickly think of a speech on the spot. But all she could think of was how Byulyi was currently watching as she went up to accept the award, and she stuttered into the microphone, her mind a blank as she tried to improvise a speech.

 

_ Byulie is listening to this too, _ she thought repeatedly as she rushed through a hastily thought out speech, before stepping back to let Eric say his slightly more well thought out speech. Her cheeks burned at her rare moment of unpreparedness.   
  
As Yongsun sat back down, she thought of Byulyi again, pictured her backstage with their younger members, all of them probably laughing their asses off at their silly leader on screen. And Yongsun smiled at the image.

 

\---

 

There was an afterparty, as most of these types of events usually do. Yongsun stuck to Eric, not really as close to any others there. She socialised with the celebrities he introduced her to or that would approach her themselves, accepting glasses of champagne even if she felt like she couldn't handle drinking anymore, just because she wasn't good at rejecting people she wasn't close to.

 

As Yongsun accepted yet another glass (of white wine this time), she could already feel her body starting to heat up from all the alcohol and she was sure her whole face had turned red.

 

“Hey Eric, does my face seem red? It feels hot in here and I’m pretty sure my face is red, right?” Yongsun rambled, as she stared into the glass of wine she was swirling in her hand.

 

She turned her head towards the man when she heard no response, only to find the glass being whisked out of her hand the next second and downed in a flash by the man who took it.

 

Yongsun looked at him incredulously. “You didn't have to do that!” she whisper shouted as she gently slapped Eric's shoulder. He clutched at his shoulder with his free hand in response, pouting at her with mock hurt on his face. 

 

Yongsun chuckled at his exaggerated behaviour. “But thanks,” she continued as she took the now empty glass back, casting Eric a grateful smile which he didn't hesitate to return.

 

There was a lull in the conversation and Yongsun was about to leave to put down her empty glass when-

 

“I like you.” 

 

Yongsun blinked at the goofily grinning man. Eric himself looked shocked for a moment at his own words but recovered quickly.

 

“Will you go out with me?” Eric continued, voice unwavering.

 

The shy, fluttering feelings that usually came along with being confessed to by someone she liked was absent. All Yongsun felt was dread.

 

The feeling hit her like a bucket of cold water. She sobered up immediately, taking a moment to process the statement. She would never have guessed that he would ask her out outright that night, expecting his little crush to fade away quietly. She should have known that he wasn't the type to let it go. 

 

Yongsun should accept him, right? This was possibly her only chance to be in a  _ normal _ and  _ socially acceptable  _ relationship. But then why did she  _ not _ want to?

 

And despite all her previous thoughts of  _ maybe  _ liking him and how  _ safe _ he was, she found herself hesitating and thinking of Byulyi, and she couldn't.   
  


“I- Thank you but I- I'm so sorry…”

  
The stupidly kind Eric Nam let his smile falter for only a split second before he forced it back into a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. As Yongsun stumbled through an unconvincing excuse of wanting to focus on her career and not having the time to date, Eric only nodded weakly. With all the energy in his voice gone, he muttered that it had been worth a shot before excusing himself and trudging off towards the bar.   
  
Yongsun watched guiltily as the usually boisterous and outgoing man shrunk into his seat, cradling the glass in his hands, and found herself unsure that she made the right decision. She soon excused herself, unable to stand the strained tension anymore and having lost her one comfort in the unfamiliar surroundings.

 

Yongsun hailed a taxi and headed home. It was nearing midnight by the time she reached back, and so she was surprised to see an extra but familiar pair of shoes in her doorway.

 

Though all four members of Mamamoo visited each other often enough, Byulyi was the only one who visited her so frequently that it was practically her second home. Yongsun welcomed her any time, telling the other woman as much when she had given her the passcode to her house those months ago.

 

Padding softly across her living room, she found the woman she was looking for sleeping peacefully on her couch. Said woman was donned in a soft looking sweater and some sweatpants. Yongsun recognised the clothes as ones that Byulyi had left over some time ago, on another night that she had stayed over. Yongsun would never admit it but she would sometimes wear those clothes when she was feeling like she particularly missed the rapper and lowkey hoped that Byulyi wouldn't take it back.

 

Byulyi lay sprawled over the couch, hugging a throw pillow close to her chest with one leg limply dangling over the edge. With eyes closed and mouth ajar, her relaxed expression made her look so peaceful, a stark contrast from the usual turmoil of their schedules.

 

And as Yongsun stood there, arms by her side, staring at the woman before her, she realised that she was sure. Despite all her previous thoughts of how Eric at least  _ liked  _ her, and was a  _ man _ too so their relationship would be a lot easier, and earlier doubts of  _ ‘should I really have thrown that relationship away?’ _ , Yongsun was sure that she had made the right choice.

 

With that realisation, and that acceptance, Yongsun found herself suddenly able to breathe easier. It was like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. The corners of her lips unconsciously curled up into a gentle smile.

 

“Byul-ah… You don't even know how much I love you.”

 

Yongsun chuckled softly. It was weird how the only time she could be true to herself was when no one else was listening.

 

She stood under her shower head for a good while, letting the steady spray of water wash away the worries of her day. Yongsun was grateful that Eric was too nice to enact any kind of revenge on her and had let her go without any protest. She changed into some pyjamas as well before returning to the living room and the woman resting there.

 

“Byul-ah…” Yongsun called out softly, reaching a hand over to gently prod the woman.

 

“Mmrh..?”

 

Sitting up and rubbing an eye sleepily, Byulyi looked so cute that Yongsun felt her heart squeeze at the sight. The former finally seemed to be regaining her senses as she looked around the room and mumbled out.

 

“Ah… Sorry, I was trying to wait up for you but I must have fallen asleep.”

 

“It's okay. Come on, let's go to my room. The bed is much comfier.”

 

“Alright.”

 

Yongsun faced no resistance as she dragged the groggy woman towards her room. Byulyi didn't hesitate to flop onto the bed the moment it was within reach. The owner of said bed only chuckled at the sight as she climbed under the covers as well, pulling the blanket over both of their bodies.

 

Byulyi moved to snuggle into the body beside her when she felt a dip in the bed, smiling contentedly as the familiar warmth lulled her back into dreamland. Yongsun in turn wrapped an arm around the lithe body curled into her, accepting her role as the big spoon. Giving in to the exhaustion of the day, she too let herself drift off into slumber.

 

\---

 

Yongsun opened her eyes to empty space beside her, but the absence of her best friend was forgiven when the wonderful smell of breakfast wafted through her nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to keep the timeline consistent with real life but I obviously took some artistic liberties lol. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter! I recently watched all the Solar/Eric WGM episodes and this was all I could think of the whole time so I wrote it out. I said recently but really, it's been 5 months of me sporadically adding and removing and editing the story (it was originally only 1 chapter of about 1000 words long...) so I'm sorry if the writing doesn't flow very well. Next chapter comes out in a week and will explore Moonbyul’s side through all this.
> 
> P.S. Leaving reviews would pressure me into possibly releasing the next chapter faster… :)


	2. Moon Byulyi

Yongsun was going to get married to a man, a _stranger_.

 

Byulyi had never felt that life was unfair more than she did at that moment.

 

Sure, it wasn't a _real_ marriage. But it still hurt, the reminder that she would never be the one to stand on the other end of the aisle from the one she loved, her best _friend_ , just for being who she was.

 

Byulyi felt like she was being torn apart internally, but she also couldn't deny that it was good publicity and decided that she would support Yongsun who had chosen to do it. So she put on the largest grin that she could muster and cheered on her unnie.

 

The initial few days after Yongsun officially accepted the offer were the hardest. Byulyi couldn't help feeling betrayed, even if she kept telling herself that it was all for business. So, Byulyi withdrew herself from her unnie, not wanting to accidentally hurt her in any way, attaching herself more to the two younger ones instead.

 

The ever observant maknaes noticed, of course, how dismissive Byulyi was towards their leader. They confronted her one day, after Yongsun had left on her own for a meeting with the managers. They noted her strange behaviour, wondered if their unnies had yet another fight.

 

Not for the first time, Byulyi considered revealing her (not so) little crush to the two girls. She trusted these girls with her life, had spent a good portion of it with them. In the end, she held back and told them a heavily downplayed version of her story, hiding her romantic feelings behind a veil of platonic friendship.

 

She hated herself for being such a coward, hated lying to two of her best friends. But, she wasn't even out to them yet, let alone willing to potentially ruin their whole group dynamic. Despite their continuous shows of support for the LGBT community, Byulyi told herself that it wasn't the right time.

 

The two girls listened and comforted her with sympathetic hugs. They reminded her of the upcoming comeback and encouraged her to make up with Yongsun soon.

 

She took their concerns and words of advice to heart and the following day, Byulyi greeted her unnie with a hug.

 

What she had not expected was for Yongsun to pull her in closer and whisper in her ear how much she'd missed her. Byulyi was left sputtering in response, face blazing as the leader giggled amusedly.

 

This weird behaviour continued on for the rest of the week. Yongsun would suddenly grab her hand or wrap her in a hug. Byulyi was sure that there was something wrong with Yongsun. She couldn't say that she hated it though.

 

\---

  
Byulyi had to hide her disdain watching the fake couple when she appeared on the show several times to react. She watched as they did things that Yongsun had only done with her before, or things they hadn't, things they planned to do _together..._ And when did they get so casual with hugging and holding hands?

  
Byulyi had to constantly remind herself that the relationship she was seeing on screen wasn't real. Still, her chest grew tight as she saw the couple get closer.

 

Byulyi did think that Yongsun looked uncomfortable with all the displays of affection. But then again, how would she know when she'd never seen Yongsun like anyone romantically before?

 

(Didn't know that she _had_ seen it before, every time they looked into each other’s eyes)

 

Byulyi answered every question the panel had on Yongsun proudly, not able to hold herself back from showing off how well she knew her unnie. She wanted so much to proclaim how much better she would be with Yongsun instead of that Eric Nam, but knew it was a dumb idea. Instead, she sat there quietly, only laughing and commenting at the appropriate times.

  
No matter how much Byulyi didn't like it, she could still see that Eric was a good guy. He was treating Yongsun well and all Byulyi wanted to see was her Yongkong being happy, even if it meant supporting the _Ddongie_ couple.

 

(Even the virtual couple's greeting sounded so much like _theirs_ and Byulyi couldn't help feeling a little possessive)

 

(“ _Yongdong Yoondong_ ” would never beat “ _Yongkong Byulkong_ ” and no she was _not_ jealous)   
  
So Byulyi held back on her disdain for the situation and put on a smile as she helped her leader get ready for her dates. She tried not to feel hurt when Yongsun sent her practice videos for her wedding, instead turning it into gratitude that she trusted Byulyi enough for advice. She lied about how cute she found the couple when it was really just Yongsun she focused on each episode. She tried her best to cherish the time they spent together preparing lunch boxes, even if they were for another man.

 

Through all this, Byulyi hid her resentful feelings, channeling them into song lyrics instead, writing about how _worthless_ she felt.

 

\---

 

 _Even when you’re here, it hurts_ _  
_ _I miss you but what can I do?_   
I don’t want to make it obvious

_Afraid you’ll find me pitiful, yeah_

_I’m so worthless, worthless, yeah_

 

\---

 

Whenever Eric was brought up yet again in press conferences or interviews, Byulyi worked hard to steel her jaw and keep her mouth shut as her leader laughed abashedly. Was their relationship really that interesting? Last time she checked, they were promoting for Mamamoo, not We Got Married.

 

Byulyi knew she was being petty and unreasonable but she couldn't help her exasperation.

 

These feelings turned out to be more serious than she had thought and she couldn't help the words that burst from her lips in yet another fight with her unnie.

 

The fight had started small, arguing over dumb things was a standard in their relationship. But all the pent up frustration and insecurities over Yongsun's relationship with Eric Nam that Byulyi had built up inside of her found it the perfect time to make themselves known. She lashed out at the leader, shouting things she didn't mean and accusing her of things she didn't believe.

 

And Yongsun shouted back, Byulyi knew she would. The leader would never let herself be accused with false allegations. Then Byulyi was suddenly out the door and finally freeing the tears that had built up behind her eyeballs, the guilt from fighting with her best friend eating at her from the inside. She wanted so badly to just go back in and apologise to the woman, accepting whatever scoldings might await her. But Byulyi was too worked up and heartbroken and maybe a little messed up because she actually _didn't want_ to be on good terms with her unnie at the moment, _didn't want_ to keep pretending that she was okay, and so she left it there and walked off.

 

An hour later, the door in front of her opened to reveal Wheein who looked questioningly at her as she quietly stepped into the house, eyes rimmed with red and a pack of beer in her hands.

 

Another hour later, empty beer cans were scattered across the floor among the two women sitting cross-legged.

 

“Wheein-ie...” Byulyi whined, dragging out her name.

 

“What do I do...? She definitely hates me now. You should've seen her face, she was so angry. But also hot. So _hot_ . How can anyone look that hot when they're angry? Seriously... I slammed the door on that pretty face! Slammed! On her face! Now I'm angry at myself. Oh man, what if she doesn't want to talk to me anymore after this? Or worse, what if she doesn’t want to _see_ me again? That would be hell...” Byulyi drunkenly rambled, leaning her forehead on Wheein's shoulder

 

“Wheein-ah, I can't live a life without Yongsun..!” Byulyi wailed in anguish, turning her head to cry into Wheein's neck.

 

Wheein sighed, bringing a hand up to sympathetically pat the older woman's head. “Get your shit together, Byulie-unnie. You know that she could never hate you, right?”

 

“You're right, she's too nice for that… And I still hurt that precious sunshine with my stupid words! Wheein, I'm such a terrible person!” Byulyi bawled.

 

Byulyi suddenly grabbed onto Wheein’s hand, flattening it against her chest. “Do you feel that? There’s nothing, is there? That’s because I’m _heartless_!”

 

She promptly let go of Wheein’s hand and burst into tears.

 

Wheein lifted an eyebrow at the silly display in front of her. After just a brief explanation of what happened, and then close to an hour of overdramatic blabbering about the same thing, her patience was starting to wear thin.

 

“I think you should just tell her.”

 

“Tell her what?”

 

“That you like her.”

 

Byulyi blanched. It was almost comical how wide her eyes grew and Wheein had to stifle a laugh.

 

“How- how did you know? Oh my god, Wheein-ah, are you psychic?”

 

“Um, unnie, it's pretty obvious.” _Considering all the flirting, touching, and longing stares._ “Hyejin and I have been suspecting it for a long time.”

 

“But I thought I was hiding it pretty well… I never even told you I was gay. Holy crap, do you think Yongsun can tell too then?” Byulyi started to hyperventilate. “She definitely, _definitely_ hates me now.”

 

“Unnie, do you seriously think she would judge you for that? Anyway, Hyejin and I are pretty sure she's bisexual.”

 

“Do you mean that or are you just saying that because I happen to like her?”

 

“Unnie.”

 

“Alright, alright, sorry. But this is really bringing my hopes up and my heart is beating unhealthily fast right now.”

 

Byulyi knocked back a shot of soju and moved to refill her glass, only to realise that the soju bottle was suddenly in Wheein's hands.  
  
"You've drunk enough today. It's time to stop," Wheein said as she screwed the bottle cap back on and placed the bottle down an arm's length away. It was just out of reach of the inebriated woman who had too hazy a mind to think to just move to take it. Instead, Byulyi grumbled incoherently before draping herself across Wheein's lap, folding her arms and pouting.   
  
Wheein chuckled and gently pushed the woman off onto the floor, standing up and bringing the bottle with her to the kitchen.   
  
"No..! Wheein-ie don't leave me..." Byulyi whined.   
  
"You can survive the 10 seconds I'm away from you, and I'm like a metre away," Wheein called out, voice muffled by the concrete wall between them.   
  
A few seconds later, Wheein emerged carrying a glass of water in each hand. She placed one down in front of Byulyi who was still frowning at being abandoned.

 

“Come on, unnie. Drink some water.”

 

“No.”

 

Wheein sighed. “You'll feel better in the morning.”

 

“No.”

 

“Alright, well, I'm going to go sleep now. It's pretty late and we still have practice tomorrow.”

 

“Okay, and I'll sleep here, in the living room, away from you.”

 

Wheein had to hold back from slapping herself in disbelief. “Right. I'll wake you up in the morning.”

 

Before closing the door to her room, Wheein turned back and said, “By the way, I'm sure everything will be fine in the end, especially since it's you two. So don't worry too much about it, ‘kay?”

 

She gave a dimpled smile and shut the door.

 

Byulyi stuck her tongue out at the closed door and moved to the couch to finally sleep.

 

(She was tremendously grateful to Wheein the next morning)

 

\---

 

It took less than a week of half-hearted perseverance before Byulyi relented, as she usually did whenever Yongsun was involved. She didn’t know how much she had missed the other woman’s embrace until she was finally in Yongsun’s arms again.

 

\---

 

When Mamamoo was invited to guest star in an episode, Byulyi didn’t miss the worried glances cast at her by Wheein. She mustered a weak grin and a thumbs up that didn’t seem to convince anyone by the look on Wheein's face. But it was still a job, and it still had to be done to the best of their ability.

 

They got ahold of the Ddongie couple's schedule and planned their surprise visit behind their clueless leader's back. They thought of ways to get the couple closer and came up with games, already scheming their winning strategies. They loved to see their unnie put in uncomfortable situations.

 

She didn't expect how much harder it would be in real life. Watching them get along in person hit her hard in the chest

 

Byulyi volunteered to be the game referee, unsure if she would actually let herself beat the couple if she were a part of the games. Her mind went blank when she saw Eric place his lips on Yongsun's cheek. Reminding herself that there were cameras filming, she forced herself to smile and cheer for the couple.

 

She thought she could win an award for her acting.

 

It felt almost difficult to leave the place, knowing that she would be leaving Yongsun to sleep together with another man. Sure, there was cameras everywhere so there was almost no chance of anything happening and she had nothing to worry about. But Byulyi still felt uneasy, missed the nights she spent huddled under the covers beside the older woman. Their schedules had been packed and while they saw each other almost every day, there was less time for simply hanging out, just the two of them.

 

It must have hurt her more than she'd thought it did because she started tearing up soon after they returned to the RBW building. She didn't even realise it at first, not until cries of “Byulie unnie! Are you okay?” reached her ears and brought her back to reality. She noticed first the worried looks of the people around her, then the ever familiar feeling of tears trickling down her cheeks.

 

Their manager was at a loss on how to react and, after making sure she was not needed, left to give her some time alone with her teammates who were much better at calming her down.

 

Tears kept spilling uncontrollably from her eyes no matter how much she tried to hold them back which was frustrating her to no end and only served to produce more tears. Her teammates embraced her as she sat on the floor and wept and she clung onto them like they were her lifeline. They stayed in that position till her cries reduced to just the occasional sob.

 

Byulyi was embarrassed by her breakdown. She didn't like crying in front of others, felt that it made her seem weak, vulnerable. But she knew her members loved her and would never judge her for it. She had restrained herself from showing anyone how upset she was at the situation, tucking away her feelings because she knew they would just be a burden. It was kind of relieving to finally let it all out.

 

“Unnie, are you feeling better?”

 

“Yeah I- ” Byulyi paused to sniffle. “I think so.”

 

“I'm so sorry, I didn't think that you were that affected by them,” Hyejin said, arms going around Byulyi again in another hug.

 

“It's fine, I didn't think so either.”

 

“Still, I should have known…”

 

“You couldn't have known, it's not your fault. If anything, it's mine,” Byulyi let out a hollow laugh. “I thought that if I saw them together, saw how happy he made her... Then maybe I could get over my feelings.”

 

A wry smile briefly appeared on her face before she continued, “But it didn't work. And now I'm disappointed in myself for being so selfish that I couldn't just be happy for her.”

 

There was a moment of silence in the room before Hyejin raised an eyebrow. She lifted a hand to knock Byulyi on the head. “Unnie, that's gotta be the most stupid idea I have ever heard from you, and I've heard a lot!”

 

Byulyi frowned at her junior and rubbed the stinging spot on her head. “Hyejin, that's not helping,” she grumbled.

 

“She's right though, unnie. And it's just as dumb that you think that you're selfish for not wanting to see the person you like being romantic with someone else,” Wheein chipped in.

 

Byulyi blinked at her two friends before finally sighing.

 

“Alright, alright,” Byulyi raised both her arms in surrender. “I got it. I don't need you two to gang up on me.”

 

The two childhood friends glanced at each other with serious expressions before swiftly high fiving.

 

Byulyi lifted the corner of her mouth in a half smile, hands lowering as the overwhelming feeling of gratefulness hit her.

 

“Thank you for this.”

 

“You know we'll always be here for you, unnie.”

 

There was a moment of tenderness as the girls shared another hug and soft smiles were exchanged…

 

“But I'm kinda hurt that you told Wheein but not me, though.”

 

The three girls burst into laughter.

 

\---

 

The manager gave them the rest of the day off, told them that they did a good job with filming earlier. It was days like these that Byulyi felt truly appreciative of all the supportive people in her life.

 

After a restless night, Byulyi gave up on sleeping and went to practice early. Dancing had always been a way for her to clear her head and she let herself be immersed in the flow of movements, her body moving to the rhythm of the music.

 

The sound of the door opening was drowned out by the music but the reflection of a familiar face in the peripheral of Byulyi’s vision caught her eye and she halted in her movements. Byulyi hadn’t really been prepared to face her leader so soon and thought that Yongsun would even be late that day considering how filming had gone on overnight. Mentally bracing herself for the imminent conversation, she moved to turn off the music.

 

“Byul-ah, what are you doing here so early?”

 

Byulyi’s heart rate sped up and she wasn’t sure she could blame it entirely on her dance routine.

 

“I could ask you the same, Yongsun-unnie,” Byulyi said, reflexively averting her eyes as she deftly avoided the question. She wasn’t really in the mood to talk to the woman who she had been trying to forget when she came in earlier, but said woman obviously had other plans. Byulyi focused her eyes on the wall beside her instead, unable to meet the other woman’s eyes, and so missed the flash of annoyance on Yongsun’s face.

 

“Filming just ended so I came here early. Now it's your turn to answer the question.”

 

Byulyi didn’t really want to but could hear the tone of irritation in Yongsun’s voice and reconsidered.

 

“... I couldn't sleep,” she yielded after a moment.

 

“Byulie, look at me. What's wrong?”

 

Byulyi felt a pang in her heart at the gentle tone and finally looked up into her leader’s eyes. It turned out to be a mistake as her guilt just worsened upon seeing those concern-filled eyes directed right at her. Those eyes had always been a weakness of hers. Byulyi could feel herself about to burst and let out a deep breath, resigning to her fate as she forced the words out of her mouth.

 

“I was jealous,” she blurted out. “Of Eric.”

 

“I just- _I'm_ the one who's always been with you, but now _he's_ the one who's exploring new places with you and doing new things with you when- when-” Byulyi scrambled for the next words to say.

 

Her heart pumped fast and hard in her chest as she held the words she knew she wanted to say at the tip of her tongue. Her brain told her that those words could ruin their friendship forever. However, the previous night's talk came to the forefront of her mind and lingered.

 

Byulyi finally decided to just go for it and said, “When it should be me.”

 

Her shoulders drooped. She couldn’t bear to look at the leader’s face, afraid of what she would find.

 

There was a long period of silence in the room and Byulyi wanted to run away. But then Yongsun was suddenly embracing her and Byulyi clutched at the arms around her, afraid that the other woman would suddenly decide to leave. If Yongsun would accept her then...

 

“Byul-ah, you don't have to worry about losing me, okay? We'll always be the best of friends.”

 

Byulyi felt a stab in her chest.

 

“Right, just friends…” she whispered bitterly. Her leader was denser than she thought. Byulyi wanted to laugh at Yongsun, but decided to drop the subject and just enjoy the hug.

 

\---

 

On the Ddongie couple’s last day of filming for that damned show, Byulyi couldn’t help rejoicing. She didn't feel as good about it when she saw how sad Yongsun actually was about the whole thing ending, but she still felt a little lighter. No matter how she felt about the situation, Byulyi was still grateful to Eric for providing her unnie a pleasant experience on the show.

 

It wasn't all over yet though, as there was one last event to be attended: the MBC Entertainment Awards Ceremony. Byulyi held it in the back of her mind as they were doing final preparations for their own event.

 

During a lull in activity, as they took advantage of the chance to rest their legs before having to be on their feet for a few hours, Byulyi glanced at the woman beside her in her pink-tinted dress. Said woman was typing rapidly on her phone, replying to one message or another on her SNS, not noticing or simply just used to the attention on her. She was so beautiful even with her mouth agape as she completely focused on her screen.

 

Byulyi took out her own phone and held it up, letting the strong urge to document the stunning woman beside her overtake her. She could never resist such urges anyway and the leader was used to it by now, usually complying with Byulyi's every need to photograph her. This time was no different.

 

“Unnie, look here.”

 

Yongsun glanced up from her phone, only to look into the screen of another. She naturally went into a pose for the camera, locking her phone screen with one hand while the other moved to lightly hold her chin, along with a gentle smile to complete the look.

 

Byulyi snapped several pictures, experimenting for the best angle. When she was finally satisfied, she brought her phone back to eye level, showing it first to her unnie who gave her nod of approval before returning to texting. Byulyi stared a little longer at the picture displayed on screen. Their outfits matched especially well, along with the colours and... they looked kind of like they were getting married… which reminded her of what was happening later on that night.

 

Perhaps out of spite (towards the man who had really done nothing wrong and towards the society that forbid two women from being together), Byulyi found herself posting the photo on their fancafe, with only the word "BEST” added on to it along with a quick caption of _‘Welcome to Byulddonie world_ ’ _’_ (because Yongsun was indeed her world). It didn't matter if she added the word “friend” to it, society deemed it impossible for two women to be anything more anyway, and if that's how it was then she would take advantage of the fact to be as obvious as she could.

 

It wasn't long before they were called out from their rest for some finishing touches before their performance. Soon, they were stepping off the stage decked out in all black. Their manager immediately pulled their leader to the side, ushering her urgently towards the exit.

 

Byulyi sighed as she was reminded of the other award ceremony that had already started. She had erased the upcoming event from her mind to focus on her performance. She hated that the events had such clashing schedules that Yongsun had to rush off so hastily. Almost missing the leader's absence, she hurried to catch up with the departing group, pleased that she managed to send off her unnie as she usually did.

 

Standing at the entrance waving her leader off, Byulyi even kept turning around as she went back in to continue waving goodbye, not disappointed by the silly faces she got from her yeba in return. She went back up to join the rest of the members in the waiting room, chatting with them for a bit before turning on the TV in the room and switching to the MBC channel.

 

They were all eager to watch their beloved leader appear on the screen and cheered noisily when she actually won Best Couple Award with her fake ex-husband. They all howled with laughter (as their leader had predicted correctly) when they saw her fumbling with her words on stage, a rare sight.

 

After a while more, they finally wrapped up and headed home. Byulyi ultimately found herself unlocking the door to her unnie's house, washing up and grabbing some clothes she knew she had left behind last time. Stretching herself out on the familiar couch, she scrolled through her phone for a bit before eventually succumbing to the exhaustion that always came after events.

 

\---

 

Byulyi jolted awake upon hearing the soft beeping at the front door. The resounding click that followed signalled the arrival of her housemate.

 

Muted footsteps shuffled across the floor.

 

 _Yongsun-unnie must be home,_ Byulyi thought drowsily. Not wanting to leave the comfort of the couch, she didn't bother getting up to check.

 

The footsteps halted, and the house was quiet again. The silence was lulling Byulyi back to sleep. She was just about to doze off when she heard her name.

 

“Byul-ah… You don't even know how much I love you.” followed by a soft chuckle.

 

The confession was soft and Byulyi might have missed it if the room wasn’t so quiet. But it was, and she heard it clear as day.

 

Her mind, still half asleep, took a moment to process what she heard.

 

_Yongsun-unnie? How much she loves me? What does she- Yongsun-unnie loves me?_

 

Byulyi opened her eyes and looked around the dark room blearily. The space in front of her was empty. _Where did she-_

 

The sound of the shower turning on interrupted her thoughts, coincidentally answering her question.

 

Letting her eyelids fall back shut, Byulyi buried herself into the back of the couch. She groaned. What did Yongsun even mean by that? Was it a friend thing? But it definitely didn't seem like a friend thing. Or was Byulyi simply just overthinking things?

 

She was so tired. It was so difficult to think. She decided that she'll worry about it in the morning ( _it's a problem for future Byulyi now_ ) and promptly fell back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has it been exactly a week? I kinda rushed some of the scenes in this chapter so I could get it out by today so sorry if it's not as good as the first chapter :’) 
> 
> Stick around for next chapter (which, I'm sorry to say, might take a while to come out...) where they’ll finally get their shit together… or won’t they..? ;)


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